normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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