so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
