dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
