i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
