Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
