hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
