life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
third nipple confirmed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize