Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize