Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
