my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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