Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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