Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
