i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
