your room smells of hookers.
And success
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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