I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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