The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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