I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
