In the future we'll all be gay
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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