Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
