Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
