Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
