After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
