things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
