God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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