I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
