If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
