All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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