All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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