people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
