i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
