I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
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What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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