my vag is so smooth its legendary
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
