we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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