remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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