5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
