I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
