The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
