Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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