Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
