Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
