i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize