I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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