What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
