Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
