you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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