his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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