At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I look better un-naked...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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