Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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