How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
