my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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