If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I think i got beer on your cat.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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