so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
