That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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