Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
