apparently the secret to your success is patron
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
