I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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