wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
