I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
