girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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