I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
