batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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