If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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