dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize