On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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