Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
