Can i not drive my cunt home
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
