just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
