She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
