I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Enjoy the penises
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
