i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
