I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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