I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
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He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
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Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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