pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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