I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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