Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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