this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
