I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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