never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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