You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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